i headed to texas on friday for a weekend of gramma cuddles. nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. i feel as if i’ve been through some sort of a war.

today is my first “normal” day in almost a week. i will eat, shower, and head to school – some sort of a routine. the past few days have been a whirlwind filled with tears, hand holding, and extreme pain.

on saturday gramma took a decline and i called for nurses repeatedly. the hospice nurse said she had only a few days left and i was crushed. her only words were “thank you dear” when i told her how beautiful she was. mum and i stayed with her for 10 hours on saturday, all day sunday and slept there with her, and monday we took turns leaving to shower and recoup. monday night at 10:30pm she took her last breath. i honestly don’t know if i’ll ever be the same. she was truly my favorite person ever. there are 5 stages of grief and i have yet to fully move through any. looks like i’ve got a long way to go! oh, and here is a link to her obituary which sheds some light on what a remarkable woman she was. truly.

i left texas tuesday evening and listened to loud hip hop for hours. it seemed to be the only thing that helped stop the tears. yesterday i was in bed most of the day resting except for a massage and legs up the steam room practice. my poor body is a mess with all sorts of tweaks due to my lack of movement, grief, and travel over the past week. i must share that my yoga and mindfulness practice came in incredibly handy during gramma’s final days. i was able to sit with her, hold her hands, massage her forehead and arms, and be fully present. despite my typical tendency to multitask, i transitioned into a new state of awareness with her and credit it all to yoga!

i wanted to link to a few of my fave posts about gramma and found that there are 77 on this blog that mention her! here are a few of my favorites over the years:

le beau, sir louis + moi are driving to oklahoma on friday for her monday memorial. it’s a 22-hour drive and le beau is up for the challenge. i’ll be sure to share stories and photos from the journey as i continue to process the experience.

finally, i’m so grateful for the numerous love notes posted on my facebook wall and appreciate the outpouring of support during this time. please consider dedicating your next practice to her, wish her well on this new journey, or send my family love. it will be well received.bisous. x