dearest readers:
i hope you are savoring some down time after the holiday hubbub.
today began with a boxing day agenda and sly plans to beat the storm. as we drove out of the driveway early this morning, we promptly turned around and decided not to venture into the unknown. the road was already slick and the snow had just begun. throughout the day i watched it fall with stars in my eyes while also recalculating lots of plans.
unable to grab food after working into the mid-afternoon at the studios and dashing to the woods on christmas eve among snowfall, we planned on stocking up today. no luck. random smatterings of fruit, veggies, and canned soups it is!
also, had big plans to get le chat bonnard into a kitty internist tomorrow to identify the mass in front of his heart, but had to reschedule as we’re not going anywhere. for awhile. the snow fell 6-8 inches, turned to sleet, and finally stopped around dusk. the woods are quiet, oh-so-white, and not allowing us to escape. honestly, i’m ok with that.
le beau has tinkered with new bike toys all day while i finished reading phillip moffitt‘s latest book, emotional chaos to clarity (highly recommend), filled in my new tranquility du jour daybook with a pink marker, penned thoughts in my journal, chased sticks in the snow with le pug, sat fireside, and did what i do best . . . plan.
while looking over the list of things i wanted to handle during my down time over the hollydaze, i became disenchanted with how slowly items were getting checked off and how i’d be back to internship and school before i knew it without having handled said items. i only have a few days as next week i’m in nyc to study with my jivamukti teachers and to hear jenny brown and julia butterfly hill speak. then, back to life for my final semester of graduate school.
so here’s my “holiday wish list:” strategic plans for businesses, daily exercise, facetime crochet dates with mama wilson (damn those granny squares), record daybook video, tranquilologie edits, 2012 year in review, 2013 dreams, sign up for vegan academy, fill in 2013 daybook, pen newsletter, go through magazines, pen and mail heaps of thank yous, clear out in box, special tranquilologie podcast for subscribers, finish sketchbook.
dear lord. where’s the breather? while reading phillip’s book, he talked about “ordinary compulsion” defined as “a reactive state of mind that interferes with the natural flow and rhythm of your life. it can prevent you from acting with your deepest intentions and deprive you of genuine choices. ordinary compulsion can interfere with getting things done or prevent you from letting go of a disappointment.”
hmmm. i’ve diagnosed myself with an ordinary compulsion to plan and note what hasn’t yet been done (and may not get done this holiday season, ommmm, let it go) to the detriment of savoring the present moment. in yoga these conditioned patterns are coined samskaras (click on the link to learn more by yoga teacher/psychotherapist bo forbes, author of yoga for emotional balance). all day i felt resistance toward wanting to simply sit and read versus figure out my life in the form 2013. it was a powerful emotionally-charged tug of war.
i’m emerging without too many battle wounds this evening. i share my struggle wondering if you, too, experience this internal conflict between busyness and spaciousness. doing and being. it’s an ongoing journey and i hope to be more gentle with myself in the new year. plan, set goals, and embrace more self-care while reconfiguring samskaras into more mindful pursuits.
wanna join moi? bisous. x
