my return to the couch

love notes
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after a 4-year hiatus, i decided it may do a mind good to return to the therapist’s chair. others rave about their therapists like they do their stylist. i had seen him on referral years ago from a dear friend who went to him for years. we chatted boys for about a year or so, then i met beau so we chatted work. i decided i needed a consultant, not a therapist, so i moved on. after hearing yet another woman rave about weekly therapy recently, i thought it may be worth another try and i could add him to my must-have wellness team (massage therapist, pedicurist, hair colorist). when last friday rolled around i was frustrated that i had to take the hour out of an already busy day to talk about how busy i was. ironic, eh?

it was comforting to see him – like seeing an old friend who knows all about you. i updated him on what had happened in the past 4 years – building out a new space, wrote a book, started a foundation, got a pug, the podcast and blog, taking two online courses, started tranquilista gems, grew TranquiliT, and opened the arlington studio. we were spinning. he asked why i did it all. seemed like a silly question but i went with it. “because i want to realize my full potential and it’s fun!,” i exclaimed. he said that no one can ever fully realize their full potential because there are so many things people want to do. i found that ludicrous but got his point. i told him that i did feel overwhelmed but also elated with my work.

he told me to decide what i want to be different or feel different. good question. still pondering that one. he asked what i was missing out on by doing what i do. another good question. the two things that came to mind were 1) travel – i feel fairly tied down and unable to disconnect; 2) money – i make half of what i could if i were still a paralegal. however, the benefits are HUGE: fun, creativity, great people, passion for all i do, variety, helping others, teaching, designing – i could go on and on.

the insightful piece that he left me with was that i know no limits of myself or others. this pushes my edges too far sometimes (taking on more that he thinks i should) and leaves me continually disappointed with others. ah, that whole management of expectations. that’s a hard one!

in the spirit of svadyaya (self-study) and sharing, i hope this has somehow been insightful. it was for me. however, sometimes self-study isn’t so fun, eh? i prefer yoga, fresh blackberry eating, or good book reading instead!